Dr Calculus - Perfume From Spain - 1986 - 10 Records
Click above for big pictures, below to play me…
“Perfume from Spain again and all I want is eggs for tea” the vocalist sings in the chorus. How strange. What a weird couple of disparate objects to be presented with – perfume and eggs. I am not sure I could express a preference for one over the other.
My local pub for example serves the best double egg and chips in the world and only charges me 1 pound 99 pence for the privilege of eating it. If I was peckish, in the vicinity and only had a few quid on me I would be choosing those eggs over any Spanish perfume, no matter how delightfully pongy it may be.
However, if a good looking stranger then suddenly swept into the bar wearing my favourite scent, blatantly eyed me up and down, then whispered into my ear precisely what wonderfully filthy things they wished to do to me, I would be hard pressed to say “Hmmm… No, I don’t think so. Just the eggs for me thanks”.
Context is all, and perfume and eggs are two totally random items that should never need to be compared. It’s like asking me if I prefer crocodiles or oral sex – I can think of no situation where both would be needed at the same time, so why choose ?
The female singer in Dr Calculus has no such qualms about expressing preferences between apparently unconnected things such as perfume and eggs. For her she wants the eggs - every time.
What’s The Song Like ?
Absolutely totally fucking brilliant. How did this manage not to be a hit ? I am genuinely perplexed. All it needs now is to be picked up by an ad agency and used as a cool retro soundtrack for some suntan lotion or whatever – and the hit it so deserves to be can still happen.
Do you work in advertising ?
Go on… you know you want to.
What’s So Good About It ?
It’s got everything you could possibly want in a pop song : perfume, eggs, a bassline Jah Wobble would be proud of, a posh woman who can’t really sing, a nice bit near the middle that sounds like Pigbag, the best ending on here yet, a couple of totally nonsensical raps, a sample of someone going ‘Yep’ in a deep voice every now and again, much use of the word ‘groovy’ and the line
“When you let go, your mind goes Yo”
What’s not to like ?
Who were Dr Calculus ?
Take a look at the back cover and all is suddenly revealed : it’s only bloody Stephen ‘Tintin’ Duffy – or the best pop star the eighties lost.
Kiss Me ? Pop genius.
Icing On The Cake ? Bloody marvellous.
The Lilac Time ? Lovely.
* Important note : In this deification of Mr Duffy we are purposely ignoring all that nonsense with Robbie Williams. Everyone’s allowed an off day.
Where Is Lovely Stephen Now ?
He’s here with his new album ‘The Passenger’ :
http://www.thelilactime.com/newsblog.php
I must announce yet another I Am Not The Beatles coincidence : the Dr Calculus album ‘Designer Beatnik’ after being unavailable for 21 years was re-released just three and a half weeks ago on that new fangled Internet for download only. Track it down and download it now. I have and it really is quite delightfully silly : like Art Of Noise, with extra chunks.
http://www.ireallylovemusic.co.uk/dance/dr_calculus.html
Weird though innit ? In the three of the last four posts, two people have reformed at that exact moment (FM, When In Rome) or, in this case re-released stuff. If this happens again I’m going have to give God a right talking too – he’s starting to freak me out.
The Sleeve Also Mentions Paul Stavely O’Duffy… are they perchance related?
I don’t think so – but the fact he worked on it does mean that this record is strangely connected to homeless hedgehogs. How so? Well, he is the man behind the buttons for… Swing Out Sister.
He has also worked with Was (Not Was), John Barry, Dusty Springfield, Curiosity Killed the Cat, The Pretenders, Lisa Stansfield, Barry Manilow, Culture Club and, errr, Bellefire.
http://www.bellefiremusic.com/
The Cole Porter Connection
OK, this is really interesting…
The original lyric to Cole Porter’s 1934 song ‘I Get A Kick Of You’ was
Some get a kick from cocaine.
I’m sure that if I took even one sniff
That would bore me terrifically too,
Yet I get a kick out of you.
The cocaine reference in the first line was changed to the words ‘perfume from Spain’ when re-recorded as a single by Frank Sinatra in the 50’s, so as not to be controversial.
Now, Stephen Duffy looks like a clever chap – and it seems highly unlikely he stumbled onto the same phrase by complete accident - so this gives the very real possibility that the Dr Calculus song is using the phrase ‘Perfume from Spain’ to make an allusion (to an allusion) to cocaine. Clever, eh ? So, just like Cole Porter’s original, Perfume From Spain could actually be all about boredom with drug taking. ie I Get A Kick Out Of You, but with the ‘You’ bit transposed to eggs. In other words, I Get A Kick Out Of Eggs :
“ A line of cocaine again
But all I want is eggs for tea”
For the interested, you can read all about the Cole Porter word change here :
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3822/is_199904/ai_n8838482/pg_2
When you’ve read that, stick with me – here is where everything gets really weird…
The Eggs
For the sake of this investigation, Venezuelans do three very important things :
a) They speak a dialect of Spanish
b) They produce shitloads of cocaine
c) They have a famous dish prepared with butter, sautéed diced onions, tomatoes, and eggs. It is considered to be a tropical version of the British scrambled eggs, and also includes ground pepper, annatto and occasionally ají.
Spain, Cocaine, Eggs.
The egg dish is called ‘Perico’.
‘Perico’ also means ‘Parakeet’ and ‘Parrot’ in the Venezuelan language and it is also street slang for… ‘Cocaine’ - because cocaine is known for making people squawk and speak non-stop, like a parrot. Apparently, when the word ‘Perico’ became too well known to the police, suppliers of cocaine thought for a bit and then reverted to the original Venezuelan double meaning of the word ‘Perico’ and started calling cocaine… ‘Eggs’.
The Conclusion
If this theory is correct, this is not a song about boredom with drugs but the addiction to them – and the chorus of ‘Perfume Of Spain’ should actually read
“ A line of cocaine again
And then more cocaine for tea.”
And let’s not forget : “when you let go, your mind goes Yo”
Do You Have A Really Desperate Link to Try And Substantiate This Almost Libellous Cocaine Theory About That Nice Mr Duffy?
Errr… yes I do.
I think that so called ‘doctor’ who keeps pestering the posh woman with postcards from San Francisco bay is in fact her drug dealer waiting for the next shipment. According to this article
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/03/26/TRG02HFH0120.DTL
‘tourism’ from San Francisco to Venezuela is on the increase. Yeah right.
Suspicious, or what ?
Money Update
Cost : 8 pence
Current Value : 4 pounds and seven pence, which isn’t bad.
Current Profit : 86 pounds and 67 pence. For a final piece of cocaine related madness, here is a word document looking at cocaine using (ahem) calculus :
Apparently, the cocaine market looks like this :
Gosh. One second we’re talking about Mike Berry shitting on a table, the next we’re discussing the cocaine market with the help of calculus. This pop music malarkey certainly takes you to strange places, doesn’t it ?
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September 19th, 2007 at 9:25 am
dr calculus-eggs for tea is jokey slang for ecstasy
November 9th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
A re-worked version of this tune - called “Full of Love” - was featured in John Hughes’ 1987 film SHE’S HAVING A BABY.