I Am Not The Beatles

Click above for big pictures, click below to play me…

This is an absolutely brilliant record.

The most incredible thing about it is just how quickly it wants to end. It is a record on a suicide mission that hits the ground sprinting and then throws itself around with reckless abandon positively excited about getting it all over and done with.

Everything in this song happens at a dizzying pace that leaves you breathless. Here are the highlights :

0 seconds - It starts confidentally… and with a swagger. Toe-tappiness is guaranteed.

23 seconds - Don’t be put off by these first few lines. The first verse in this song is viewed as totally unimportant and is mostly treated with disdain. The reasoning seems to be that it only lasts 20 seconds anyway, so you should probably spend this short time trying to work out if you vaguely fancy any of them instead.

32 seconds - A well annunciated ‘Aint life a bitch?’ keeps your interest.

40 seconds - The chorus.You now begin to suspect this record may be brilliant.

58 seconds - Not even a minute has passed when we hit the second verse… and we are already a third of the way through the song. Aware that they got away with the first verse a bit, Wild Weekend know that this second verse had better be both fabulous and ludricous. We are not disappointed, as over the course of the next 20 seconds the singer will :

a) Claim his ex’s soul has been left in a bank account. With love ‘in the red’.

b) Pose as a debt collector

c) For no apparent good reason, threaten to shoot a postman.

1 minute 35 seconds - Gosh, is that the time already? Must be time for a totally phenomenal middle 8. Can this record actually get any better ?

2 minutes 2 seconds - Yes. They’ve only gone and put a bloody gap in. The desire to take this record to your local nightclub and force them to play it, just so you can stop dancing at this bit ….

2 minutes 6 seconds - … and then start again here is immense.

2 minutes 19 seconds - The record strides positively into its final phase, strutting around the place knowing that if it could just be made flesh, it could sleep with anyone.

And that’s it.

It is all done and dusted by 3 minutes and 2 seconds - which, as everybody knows, is just three seconds longer than any song really needs to be.

The only slight downer about the whole thing is the fact that it fades at the end when it should have had a nice big explosion or something. But then, if that had happened, I think I may have fainted out of pure excitement - so it’s probably just as well.

Breakin’ Up

I was really interested to find out what happened next, as it appears Wild Weekend were trying to make the boyband a serious proposition, with a fab song, when Take That were still at school.

But, alas…. they have done a Steve Carlton : completely vanished from the face of the planet.

This is a genuine shame as it seems the only mistake Wild Weekend made was being a few years ahead of the game.

I bet you this song would have been an absolute smash if this had been released by 5ive, six years later.

Breakin’ Down

Cost : 8 pence

Current Value : A dreadfully disheartening 75 pence - just 15 pence per band member. Oh dear. This hasn’t totally wiped out the big smile that I’m wearing on my face having had this song on auto repeat all day, but it did make me a bit glum for a few seconds.

Current Profit : 33 pounds and 73 pence.

EDIT : Please click on the comments to read the Wild Weekend story as told by their lead singer, Al. Then pop off to ‘Corrections and Clarifications’ for extra information.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 11th, 2007 at 3:12 pm and is filed under Prescient, Grunty, It Has A Gap, Brilliant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.