I Am Not The Beatles

Click above for big pictures, click below to play me…

The Song

Ooooh, I quite like this. It’s just the right side of perky.

In fact, it brings together two phrases very rarely on speaking terms :

a) ‘ This is quite good ‘, and

b) ‘ Remixed by Shep Pettibone ‘

OK, we have a song that should have sounded like ‘Rescue Me’ by Martha and The Vandellas fused with the filthy bounciness of Serge Gainsbourg’s ‘Sea, Sex and Sun’ - which unfortunately, in Shep’s hands, ends up as a hybrid of ‘Frankie’ by Sister Sledge and the theme tune from Moonlighting. However, in this case it strangely appears to be no bad thing.

It does contain a vast array of mixed metaphors - the flight itself isn’t an actual flight, and yet she picks her beau up at a ‘ticket counter’ from ‘the back of the line’, making it sound like she is choosing luncheon meat at her nearest branch of Sainsburys.

Or maybe that’s the point.

It also contains the phrase ‘As we clear the runway’, which must be one of the most bizarre metaphors for sexual penetration ever committed to vinyl.

Why wasn’t it a hit?

In the year that Rick Astley scored the biggest selling single with ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ I have no idea, and it is positively insulting. It’s saucy in an inoffensive Carry On way, and as cute as a purring kitten. In fact, I’m going to start a campaign to get Sonya back into a recording studio immediately and re-record this, it has Euro Hit written all over it - we could have a nice and cheesy global smash on our hands people.

In short : listen…. and bounce.

Where Is Sonya?

Bugger.

She’s dead.

According to some chap called David on myspace, Sonya was a ‘wonderful gospel singer’, ‘blind’, and now ‘in heaven’. And that, dear friends, is the only piece of information about Sonya I can find anywhere : a casual mention by some bloke’s internet friend on myspace.

And you thought you were depressed after listening to Georgio.

Money Update

Cost : 8 pence

Current value : It feels almost dirty and disrespectful, but here we go. Importantly, my copy was made in the UK which seems to up the value for some reason. Must be the tasteful pastel colour scheme on the cover. Either way, the cheapest one I can find on gemm.com is…. bloody hell….. 26 American dollars and 66 cents - which works out at 13 English Pounds and 33 English pence.

And what’s more it’s worth every bloody penny.

Current Profit : 13 pounds and 17 pence. And it’’s all thanks to Sonya, God rest her soul. Hurrah!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 at 2:52 pm and is filed under Orgasms, Brilliant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.