Boys Don’t Cry - Who The Am Dam Do You Think You Am (Picture Disc) - 1987 - Legacy Records
Click above for big pictures, click below to play me…
If the apparent intention of the song you are writing is to try and make people both dance and laugh, then it’s probably worth noting it shouldn’t remind the listener of a plague outbreak which killed 260 people in a small Derbyshire village during the 17th century – as this can really rather ruin the jovial atmosphere.
As Boys Don’t Cry have ignored this simple rule, however, we must instead concentrate on the main similarities of the two situations - and these are that firstly neither dying of the plague nor listening to this record are particularly pleasant experiences for anyone involved, and secondly that the Derbyshire village in question and this song have annoyed me intensely with their stupid nonsensical lyrics.
Who The Am Dam Do You Think Eyam
The plague was pretty much entirely confined to cities in the south of England in 1661 so, when it arrived in the small village of Eyam, it found the villagers suddenly twitching around the place like multiple Mick Jaggers grimacing their way through an ill-fated Jacksons comeback tour. ie In a State Of Shock.
It arrived there randomly via an imported piece of cloth riddled with plague ridden fleas – and, when it became obvious the village was now infected, the residents all faced the not exactly pleasant choice of either ambitiously attempting a Slade… or resigning themselves to a Shakespear’s Sister.
Unfortunately trying to Run Run Away from the situation wasn’t really much of an option, as not only would the plague then inevitably spread all over the entire north of England and Scotland thus making the villagers entirely responsible for the deaths of innumerable unnamed others – there were also apparently no firm mechanisms in place which would guarantee any of the participants actually see seeing any chameleons lying there in the sun and this, argued the highly influential vicar of the parish, surely rendered the entire enterprise utterly pointless.
This carefully thought out pop-rock music rationale thus persuaded every single one of the villagers to (ahem) Stay, making the momentous decision to cut themselves off from the outside world until the last one of them most definitely dropped dead.
The plague then did it’s worst, totally ravaging the newly introverted village and decimating desperate families. In one particularly cruel 48 hour period, 6 members of a 7 person household were all killed one by painful one – leaving just the wife and mother to personally dig grave after wretched grave in a field at the opposite end of the village, drag each dead loved one there in turn, and bury body after tear soaked body all on her own.
18 long months later and 260 people lighter – after the plague itself had slowly died its own perfectly natural death – the few remaining villagers emerged blinking into the surrounding countryside having saved the lives of thousands of people they would never meet, none of whom would ever know the details of the heroism that had saved them… or even perhaps that they had ever been saved at all.
You’d Better Pass Me That Paper Bag… Quick
Despite this harrowing tale of the ultimate self sacrifice for the greater good, however, Eyam makes a really shit tourist destination.
After all, everything you actually need to know about Eyam I have just already told you so, as you walk around the village peering in a slightly embarrassed fashion at the very much alive families currently living in houses where people once horribly died - all with dreadfully heavy handed names like Plague Cottages and Someone Also Died Here Villas – the visitor can feel rather like some sort of Plague Porn Voyeur.
Indeed, as you mix with the current residents who eye you suspiciously as they go about their day to day lives, you start wondering if they are half expecting you to pop to the public toilets for a quick plague related wank – and then, worse still, when you do furtively utilise the conveniences later in the day for a perfectly legitimate poo break before the long journey home – find yourself pondering further if this is also the reason why they have put no locks on any of the cubicle doors.
In fact, wandering around the village can make you feel like you are participating in a peculiarly grisly remix of The Court Of King Caractacus - as you go to see the gravestones … of the people… from the houses… from the village… who all perished of the plague… before eventually noting that you have certainly got there too late as they have all most definitely already passed by.
If all this were not enough, you are then asked to visit the Eyam Plague Museum where you are forced to relive the entire – totally worthy and breathtakingly brave – yet by now reallyrathergettingonyourfuckingnerves story….all.. over…again… only this time with the help of some tastefully lit mannequins arranged in various badly recreated scenes of near death.
And it was here, as I attempted to negotiate these exhibits at a speed I hoped passed for reverent, where my thoughts eventually turned to Boys Don’t Cry.
Stick It Up Your Back, Say What ?
Looking out of the window, I noticed the village school just down the road which had the following famous phrase very ornately and very expensively carved into it’s gates :
Ring a-ring o’ roses,
A pocketful of posies.
a-tishoo! a-tishoo!
We all fall down
which certainly seemed like a curiously brave inscription to pay shitloads of money for, as there is absolutely no evidence that this verse has absolutely anything to do with the plague whatsoever.
Indeed, an increasing number of people who know such things now believe that this rhyme is in fact a nonsense poem created in the 1850’s which has simply had meaning grafted onto it by unsuspecting generations.
And you get the feeling that this meaning plastered over nonsense was precisely what Boys Don’t Cry were also trying to recreate with this song, with it’s ever tedious references to spin dryers and thinking you’re bloody every self – although unfortunately for them they mistakenly believed they were coming across sounding like Talking Heads, when the reality was actually Black Lace.
What The Am Dam Does Who The Am Dam Do You Think You Am Think It Am ?
Wacky.
In fact, so incredibly wacky is this record by Boy’s Don’t Cry it even has a b-side called… The Cure.
Which, I am sure you agree, is absolutely totally fucking hilarious.
Who The Am Dam Do The Band Who Sang Who The Am Dam Do You Think You Am Think They Am ?
Underrated.
Everywhere you look you get the distinct impression they feel they should have much bigger than they actually were – and this is despite the fact that they were bigger than pretty much everybody else on here, as their song I Wanna Be A Cowboy charted highly in the US in 1985 and was even quoted by Madonna as being her favourite song of the year. Want to see the video on Brian’s (the keyboard player) website ?
http://www.brianchatton.com/movie.html
Want to watch the follow up ? It’s called Cities On Fire and it will make you giggle… alot :
http://www.brianchatton.com/movie-1.html
Want to know everything else ?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boys_Don’t_Cry_(band)
Iyam Intyrested In Eyam
Then you could do a lot worse than reading all about the - truly fascinating - story here :
http://www.cressbrook.co.uk/towns/eyam.php
And look at those mannequins here :
http://www.cressbrook.co.uk/eyam/museum/
Although I’ll be buggered if I’m going to click on those and relive the entire bloody experience.
Oh, last but definitely not least, if all that stuff about nursery rhymes interested you then a good place to start is listening to this :
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4933345
And then reading this :
Money Update
Cost : 8 pence
Current value : It is one of those moments when you know it’s worth something – but no one is selling anything… which leads to the ever disappointing… minus 8 pence. Oh well, want to hear The Court Of King Caractacus ? If you haven’t heard it for ages, or even at all, then I warn you now it is insanely stupidly brilliant :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-Lw1bDdwgs
Current Profit : 189 pounds and 20 pence. That 200 pounds is suddenly looking really rather far away…
Incidentally, I am a little bit behind on all that supporting cast silliness, but if you’ve never read it then it’s still worth a look – just click on the link immediately above. If nothing else, you get to see what Hazell Dean is up to these days which can only be A Good Thing.
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May 7th, 2008 at 7:48 am
God, this song is terrible.
We should also be very thankful that the era of basslines sounding like twanging rubber bands is, by and large, over.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Ahh, so that’s what Chesney Hawkes was on about. It all makes sense now: isolated plague village, heroically bearing the brunt of the deathly strain for the greater good: Eyam The One And Only.
Another great entry BTW. I must say I’m impressed that you took the trouble to actually visit the place, too, all in the name of research. That’s the kind of dedication Roy Castle and the McWhirters would have been proud of!
May 10th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I’ve actually seen keyboard player Brian Chatton. He was playing for John Miles in the late 70s (yes, the ‘Music was my first love’ John Miles). I was quite excited at the time because I recognised him from my brother’s old Flaming Youth LP from the late 60s. They featured a young Phil Collins on drums and occasional vocals. My first ever Ebay purchase was a (possibly dodgy) CD of this album from Germany.