I Am Not The Beatles

Click above for big pictures, click below to play me…

Based around a groove whose existence appears to be entirely designed just so Working Week could waggle their fingers at the TV camera whilst miming to it on Top of The Pops, Too Much Time quite literally drips with a desperate desire to be the sound of your summer.

As anyone who has ever been unemployed knows however, one downside of having ‘too much time’ on your hands is that it can make you slightly bored and unindustrious. That is certainly a situation which has been replicated here as, for all the ‘time’ the singer consistently claims to have far ‘too much’ of, none of it was ever used productively in order to actually get around to writing a second verse. For a song that takes over 4 minutes to complete, this means you can end up feeling all the summer funk and excitement of a hosepipe ban.

If that wasn’t bad enough, in a frankly bizarre attempt to make up for their langurous approach to songwriting, Working Week then present you with a rather rambling culinary based middle 8 which has nothing to do with the rest of the song whatsoever.

“Sometimes when it gets late and I’m feeling hungry,” it states as the band inexplicably present their ingredients to Ainsley Harriott at the beginning of Ready Steady Cook, “I heat up some old stale beans, open up a can of sardines, eat crackers and dream about someone who’ll cook for me.’

It is presumably at this point that dear old Ainsley camply spins around to speak with their designated chef, waiting expectantly to see what ideas he can come up with for such a food fest - only to find him breaking down live on air as he suddenly becomes painfully aware that he is finally, after all these years, utterly defeated.

What Are The First Symptoms Of Having ‘Too Much Time’ ?

Believing people may be interested in some sort of musical version of your late night eating habits, presumably.

I Think I Do Have ‘Too Much Time’… So Tell Me About Hedgehogs.

OK, I will.

With this song the ‘Connected To Swing Out Sister’ category has finally got another member. The reason for this is that before the vocalist on this song (Juliet Roberts) joined the band, they tried out a lady called Corinne Drewery - fresh from Beau Leisure and When In Rome - only for her to pop off almost immediately to form… Swing Out Sister.

This is a brilliant fact, of course, mainly because it means I get an excuse to mention Corinne’s mum’s Hedgehog Hospital in Louth once again :

http://www.hedgehogcare.org.uk/

They didn’t have their own website when we last mentioned them during the days of Dr Calculus - but rather excitingly they now do and you can do such things with it as buy hedgehog fridge magnets and key rings , read fabulous advice on what to do if you find an ill looking hedgehog in your garden, and also look at their wonderful photo gallery.

Are They Still Working, The Week ?

They are because… they have reformed :

http://www.working-week.org/

Not only are they rated very highly by many, but they were also a bit more subversive than you may initally think. Alot of people say their greatest work was a rendition of Victor Jara’s ‘Venceremos’ with Tracey Thorn from Everything But The Girl :

http://tinyurl.com/22ukpu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dln0c0-0GUE

Who is Victor Jara ? A highly respected Chilean theatre director, poet, singer-songwriter and political activist who was arrested and tortured before being machine gunned to death four days later :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Jara

http://www.fundacionvictorjara.cl/

Gosh. Tell Me More About Working Week.

There seems to have been quite a revolving door of vocalists who worked with the two Working Week chaps - Larry Stabbins and Simon Booth - over the years. The singer on this record, Juliet, first signed a record contract at the tender age of 15 and has also collaborated with such people as Miles Davis, Stevie Wonder and Courtney Pine :

http://www.julietroberts.com/

The not remotely porn-named Larry Stabbins is also terribly successful. He has a long standing association with very famous pianist Keith Tippet, took time out to study philosopy at Kings College, London - and recently released his first solo album Monadic :

http://www.efi.group.shef.ac.uk/musician/mstabbins.html

http://www.emanemdisc.com/E4093.html

Meanwhile, it seems Simon Booth formed a band before this one called ‘Weekend’ with Alison Statton from Young Marble Giants, then after Working Week went on to form Afro-Celt Sound System :

http://tinyurl.com/2j5pn3

http://www.afrocelts.org/

So Working Week Are Alot Cleverer Than You Thought ?

They certainly are.

Another example of their cleverness is this song itself, as ‘Too Much Time’ is actually written by a chap called Don Van Vliet, better known as… Captain Beefheart. I know nothing about the highly influential Captain Beefheart at all incidentally - except that I should probably own a copy of Trout Mask Replica but don’t - so this was a bit of a surprise to say the least :

http://www.beefheart.com/

He was recently spotted shopping in Safeway :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_Beefheart

And is now a full time painter :

http://www.artnet.com/artist/17294/don-van-vliet.html

Can I Buy Some Stuff Before Reading The Money Update Please ?

Yes you can.

Why not choose between The Best Of Working Week , The Spotlight Kid / Clear Spot - the Captain Beefheart album this song is from (you can also hear a snippet of his original version of this song there) - or prints of some of Don’s art.

Money Update

Cost : 8 pence

Current Value : 1 pound and 70 pence. Too Much Time, but not really Too Much Money.

Current Profit : 149 pounds and 67 pence.

Supporting Cast Update : Pine, Courtney ; Statton, Alison; Tippet, Keith; Davis, Miles; Wonder, Stevie ; Hariott, Ainsley; Thorn Tracey; Jara Victor; Van Vliet, Don

Click above for big pictures, below to play me…

“Perfume from Spain again and all I want is eggs for tea” the vocalist sings in the chorus. How strange. What a weird couple of disparate objects to be presented with – perfume and eggs. I am not sure I could express a preference for one over the other.

My local pub for example serves the best double egg and chips in the world and only charges me 1 pound 99 pence for the privilege of eating it. If I was peckish, in the vicinity and only had a few quid on me I would be choosing those eggs over any Spanish perfume, no matter how delightfully pongy it may be.

However, if a good looking stranger then suddenly swept into the bar wearing my favourite scent, blatantly eyed me up and down, then whispered into my ear precisely what wonderfully filthy things they wished to do to me, I would be hard pressed to say “Hmmm… No, I don’t think so. Just the eggs for me thanks”.

Context is all, and perfume and eggs are two totally random items that should never need to be compared. It’s like asking me if I prefer crocodiles or oral sex – I can think of no situation where both would be needed at the same time, so why choose ?

The female singer in Dr Calculus has no such qualms about expressing preferences between apparently unconnected things such as perfume and eggs. For her she wants the eggs - every time.

What’s The Song Like ?

Absolutely totally fucking brilliant. How did this manage not to be a hit ? I am genuinely perplexed. All it needs now is to be picked up by an ad agency and used as a cool retro soundtrack for some suntan lotion or whatever – and the hit it so deserves to be can still happen.

Do you work in advertising ?

Go on… you know you want to.

What’s So Good About It ?

It’s got everything you could possibly want in a pop song : perfume, eggs, a bassline Jah Wobble would be proud of, a posh woman who can’t really sing, a nice bit near the middle that sounds like Pigbag, the best ending on here yet, a couple of totally nonsensical raps, a sample of someone going ‘Yep’ in a deep voice every now and again, much use of the word ‘groovy’ and the line

“When you let go, your mind goes Yo”

What’s not to like ?

Who were Dr Calculus ?

Take a look at the back cover and all is suddenly revealed : it’s only bloody Stephen ‘Tintin’ Duffy – or the best pop star the eighties lost.

Kiss Me ? Pop genius.

Icing On The Cake ? Bloody marvellous.

The Lilac Time ? Lovely.

* Important note : In this deification of Mr Duffy we are purposely ignoring all that nonsense with Robbie Williams. Everyone’s allowed an off day.

Where Is Lovely Stephen Now ?

He’s here with his new album ‘The Passenger’ :

http://www.thelilactime.com/newsblog.php

I must announce yet another I Am Not The Beatles coincidence : the Dr Calculus album ‘Designer Beatnik’ after being unavailable for 21 years was re-released just three and a half weeks ago on that new fangled Internet for download only. Track it down and download it now. I have and it really is quite delightfully silly : like Art Of Noise, with extra chunks.

http://www.ireallylovemusic.co.uk/dance/dr_calculus.html

Weird though innit ? In the three of the last four posts, two people have reformed at that exact moment (FM, When In Rome) or, in this case re-released stuff. If this happens again I’m going have to give God a right talking too – he’s starting to freak me out.

The Sleeve Also Mentions Paul Stavely O’Duffy… are they perchance related?

I don’t think so – but the fact he worked on it does mean that this record is strangely connected to homeless hedgehogs. How so? Well, he is the man behind the buttons for… Swing Out Sister.

He has also worked with Was (Not Was), John Barry, Dusty Springfield, Curiosity Killed the Cat, The Pretenders, Lisa Stansfield, Barry Manilow, Culture Club and, errr, Bellefire.

http://www.bellefiremusic.com/

The Cole Porter Connection

OK, this is really interesting…

The original lyric to Cole Porter’s 1934 song ‘I Get A Kick Of You’ was

Some get a kick from cocaine.

I’m sure that if I took even one sniff

That would bore me terrifically too,

Yet I get a kick out of you.

The cocaine reference in the first line was changed to the words ‘perfume from Spain’ when re-recorded as a single by Frank Sinatra in the 50’s, so as not to be controversial.

Now, Stephen Duffy looks like a clever chap – and it seems highly unlikely he stumbled onto the same phrase by complete accident - so this gives the very real possibility that the Dr Calculus song is using the phrase ‘Perfume from Spain’ to make an allusion (to an allusion) to cocaine. Clever, eh ? So, just like Cole Porter’s original, Perfume From Spain could actually be all about boredom with drug taking. ie I Get A Kick Out Of You, but with the ‘You’ bit transposed to eggs. In other words, I Get A Kick Out Of Eggs :

“ A line of cocaine again

But all I want is eggs for tea”

For the interested, you can read all about the Cole Porter word change here :

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3822/is_199904/ai_n8838482/pg_2

When you’ve read that, stick with me – here is where everything gets really weird…

The Eggs

For the sake of this investigation, Venezuelans do three very important things :

a) They speak a dialect of Spanish

b) They produce shitloads of cocaine

c) They have a famous dish prepared with butter, sautéed diced onions, tomatoes, and eggs. It is considered to be a tropical version of the British scrambled eggs, and also includes ground pepper, annatto and occasionally ají.

Spain, Cocaine, Eggs.

The egg dish is called ‘Perico’.

‘Perico’ also means ‘Parakeet’ and ‘Parrot’ in the Venezuelan language and it is also street slang for… ‘Cocaine’ - because cocaine is known for making people squawk and speak non-stop, like a parrot. Apparently, when the word ‘Perico’ became too well known to the police, suppliers of cocaine thought for a bit and then reverted to the original Venezuelan double meaning of the word ‘Perico’ and started calling cocaine… ‘Eggs’.

The Conclusion

If this theory is correct, this is not a song about boredom with drugs but the addiction to them – and the chorus of ‘Perfume Of Spain’ should actually read

“ A line of cocaine again

And then more cocaine for tea.”

And let’s not forget : “when you let go, your mind goes Yo”

Do You Have A Really Desperate Link to Try And Substantiate This Almost Libellous Cocaine Theory About That Nice Mr Duffy?

Errr… yes I do.

I think that so called ‘doctor’ who keeps pestering the posh woman with postcards from San Francisco bay is in fact her drug dealer waiting for the next shipment. According to this article

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/03/26/TRG02HFH0120.DTL

‘tourism’ from San Francisco to Venezuela is on the increase. Yeah right.

Suspicious, or what ?

Money Update

Cost : 8 pence

Current Value : 4 pounds and seven pence, which isn’t bad.

Current Profit : 86 pounds and 67 pence. For a final piece of cocaine related madness, here is a word document looking at cocaine using (ahem) calculus :

http://tinyurl.com/322o34

Apparently, the cocaine market looks like this :

Gosh. One second we’re talking about Mike Berry shitting on a table, the next we’re discussing the cocaine market with the help of calculus. This pop music malarkey certainly takes you to strange places, doesn’t it ?

EDIT : New information in ‘Corrections and Clarifications’

Click above for big pictures, click below to play me…

When in Rome, you do as the Romans do. But what about when in When In Rome ? What do you do then ?

Well, first of all, you will need two friends :

http://tinyurl.com/232t7f

One of you must be Michael Hutchence’s slightly podgier cousin - twice removed - one of you must permanently wear what appears to be a zippable hat, and the other one must hang around on the end as if you are the bodyguard for the other two.

Songwise, you must then release a single that on first listen seems to be unmittigatingly awful but which, on further inspection, reveals itself to be nothing less than Pure Pop Genius. I am not joking : if When In Rome had done the sensible populist thing and started this song with the bloody chorus, it would have been a hit - no question.

As it is, it instead starts with a peculiarly mournful verse which is strangely vocally reminiscent of the kind of tune and harmony Scott Walker would immerse himself in 16 years later. The difference between the two, of course, is that dear old Scott would generally follow up a verse like this by launching into into a crunching, crashing atonal chorus accompanied only by the vicious scrapings of an industrial meat processor and the sound of him slapping his own forehead with mouldy bits of smoked bacon.

When In Rome, however, are not seduced by Scott’s meaty mechanical route and instead decide to produce a chorus so catchy that, if it were a fish, it wouldn’t be hanging around in the river on the off chance your silly maggots happened to tempt it onto your line – it would leap out of the water at the first sight of you and plonk itself straight onto your lap : as if it had caught you.

What’s The Song All About ?

Shagging the locals whilst on holiday without your partners knowledge then feeling a bit guilty about it, essentially.

How Naughty!

Indeed - but this interesting songfact brings us nicely onto your final When In Rome instruction :

If shagging unknown wannabe popstar holidaymakers in Rome is the kind of thing ‘Romans’ generally do ‘do’, then when in When In Rome when in Rome you need to do as the Romans do – in reverse – and then write a song about it.

I Like Gaps

Then you won’t be disappointed. Towards the end of this song there is a gap so large that, if you are a middle class student, you may well be tempted to try and live a whole year of your life within it.

Anything Else To Randomly Note ?

Yes. With ‘Sight Of Your Tears’ , When In Rome may well have created the world’s most versatile song title. By swapping the ‘S’ and the ‘T’ with other letters of the alphabet and/or rhyming words, hundreds of other song titles can also be created :

Night Of Your Fears ( Marilyn Manson )

Right Of Your Peers ( Manic Street Preachers )

Height Of Your Pears ( The Wurzels )

Hmmm…. Where Are They Now ?

Well, When in Rome were formed from the remnants of another band called Beau Leisure which had a lady in it called Corrinne Drewery. Corrinne then left Beau Leisure to form… Swing Out Sister. Now, this is all very interesting I am sure you agree, but the best fact to come out of this is the following : The lead singer of Swing Out Sister’s mum is obviously very lovely. Why ? Because she runs a place called Authorpe HedgeHog Care which is a hospital for ‘weak, ill, sick, injured and orphaned hedghogs’.

Awww, isn’t that nice ? If you ever find yourself near Louth why not pop along? I know I certainly will, it’s not every day that you get a chance to meet a popstar’s mum and stroke a hedgehog :

http://www.lincolnshire.gov.uk/venueDetails.asp?venuecode=334

Anyway, although pretty much unknown in the UK, When In Rome are actually rather cultish as they had a massive 1988 one hit wonder type thing in America with another song called ‘The Promise’ :

http://www.youtube.com/watchv=yVAcAq3MSMY

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/when-in-rome/the-promise.html

They also released one eponymous album which is still available on Amazon :

http://tinyurl.com/3c8rfp

Best Rather Ungenerous Amazon Customer Review ?

“the promise is my all time favorite song of all times….. yes the rest of the album could have used some working on but it has already been 11 years and nothing can be changed now. “

Also….. like FM they have quite literally just reformed. Unlike FM, however, they are playing Hawaii next Saturday - and they claim to be signed to Virgin :

http://www.myspace.com/wheninrome

Gosh.

Money Update

Cost : 8 pence

Current value : 3 pounds and 50 pence

Current Profit : 78 pounds and 10 pence. I have now been to When In Rome. But have I ever been to me?