Jimmy The Hoover - Bandana Street (Use It) - Limited Edition Doublepack - 1985 - MCA
Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
Click above for big pictures, click below to play me…
Hello. I am Jimmy The Hoover’s teddy bear.
Hello Jimmy The Hoover’s teddy bear, what a lovely outfit you’re wearing today.
Oh, thanks very much. I call it my ‘Bandana Street Spectacular’ .
‘Bandana Street’, eh ? I don’t think I’ve heard of that part of town. What goes on there ?
Well, whenever my fellow cuddly toys and I feel like trying to ’stop the city’ and ‘turn it upside down’, we dress up in our best leather gear, shades and bandanas and pop off for a quick bit of ‘ cruising underground’ - very often with a view to having a ‘1 to 1 in the dark.’
Errr… I don’t think I follow you.
It’s very straightforward. Initially there’s quite a bit of standing around ‘looking hard’, but as the evening wears on you spend your time trying to find somebody who wants you to ‘use it’.
Sorry, you’ve completely lost me. Use what precisely ?
You know….(the teddy bear points to his teddy bear groin) ….‘It’ .
Oh I see. That certainly gives a new meaning to the phrase ‘Teddy Bears Picnic’ doesn’t it. Well good for you Jimmy The Hoover’s teddy bear, it’s always nice to have a hobby - particularly one which involves meeting other people. Just one question though : seeing as you are a teddy bear, do you actually have an ‘it’ to ‘use’ hidden inside those leather trousers of yours ?
Errr… no… No I don’t. (Whispers) I am more of a voyeur, to be honest.
Is ‘Bandana Street’ Just Another ‘Velvet Avenue’ ?
Not really, no. But if you are spending your evening looking for either then your desired end result is presumably pretty similar.
Depending on the colour of the bandana you are wearing and where on your person you are choosing to wear it, you can advertise to all the lucky people around you that wish to participate in such exciting activities as spanking, bondage and… errr… ‘cock and ball torture’. There is even a lime green bandana allocated for ‘Sitophila’ - which apparently is either ‘dining on someone, or being dined off of’, which all sounds rather fun.
As systems go it certainly cuts out all that unnecessary chit chat with people at the bar who have absolutely no intention of ejaculating into your earlobe by the urinals within the next half an hour or so - and it also avoids that dreadful embarrassment we’ve all faced when you’re invited back for coffee only to find that your hot date is unexpectedly rimming you into oblivion, when you were really just up for a quick snog and a cup of cocoa if you’re being honest.
Interestingly, Wikipedia claims a similar code was common in the mid and late nineteenth century among those hardworking but obviously oh-so randy ‘cowboys, steam road engineers and miners’ :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code
Whilst here are some updated codes theoretically from the 70’s :
http://ilovethisworld.com/?p=854
http://www.gaycityusa.com/hankycodes.htm
If your interest is piqued and the above links don’t satiate all your bandana related sex needs, then the following article is a rather good read - as it indicates that doctored Nike sports shoes have also been used to convey very similar titillating titbits :
http://www.xtribe.net.au/index2.php
Hang on a minute, Jimmy The Hoover’s teddy bear is wearing a bandana on the cover - does this mean we can find out what is he into ?
Yes it does.
That innocent looking teddy bear who rather coyly claimed to be just a ‘voyeur’ was in fact withholding a rather vital part of sexual information. By wearing a red bandana on his right arm he actually is telling you, the listener, that he really wouldn’t mind sticking his paw up your arse.
I hope he’s machine washable.
Gosh. Tell Me About Jimmy The Hoover
Well, they famously had a hit before this with the excellent ‘Tantalise’ - but were then dropped when the follow up singles all failed to chart.
They were initially both named and managed by Malcolm Mclaren and consisted off Derek Dunbar (vocals), Karla Maddog (drums), Simon Barber (Keyboards), Flinto Chandia (Bass) and a mysterious chap called just ‘Mark’ on guitar.
Interestingly, nobody knows what the name ‘Jimmy The Hoover’ actually means - although it is possible that you or I could make a well informed, if scurrilous, guess.
What Happened Next ?
Maddog the drummer left the country in the 80’s due to a lack of work permit. However, you have to work hard to discover this fact as his webpage is fucking horrible :
If you click on ‘Maddog in The UK’ at the bottom of the page you will find out all about his involvement with Jimmy The Hoover. It is really interesting but, I warn you now, you have to battle with a rather ill advised bright red typeface IN CAPITAL LETTERS on a shimmering blue background. To help prevent your eyeballs from melting, for our purposes this is the important bit :
“A MISTAKE WAS MADE IN CHOOSING THE 2ND SINGLE(IT DIED) AND INNERVISION DROPPED US… WE HAD A SONG CALLED YO JIMBO THAT WAS IN A SIMILAR STYLE TO TANTALISE AND THE RECORD COMPANY WANTED THAT TO BE SINGLE NUMBER 2. BUT WE HAD AN ELECTRO FUNK SONG CALLED BANDANA STREET AND THAT’S WHAT DEREK AND SIMON WANTED. THE MANAGER TRIED TO EXPLAIN THE STRATEGY TO THEM BUT THEY DIDN’T UNDERSTAND. FINALLY OUR MANAGER TOOK A POLL AMONGST HIS STAFF:B-STREET OR YO JIMBO? UNFORTUNATELY THEY PICKED BANDANA STREET, SO OUR MANAGER PUSHED IT WITH THE COMPANY WHO GAVE IN. IT DIED A QUIET DEATH AND WE WERE DROPPED FROM THE LABEL. ”
Incidentally, the more you look at his website the more strange and frustrated Maddog appears, as one second he is begging you to email him and offer him some drumming work - whilst the next he is posting semi-erotic pictures of women from Sweden, Milan and…errr… Uxbridge that he claims find him bed wettingly attractive :
http://maddogx_78.tripod.com/photostwo.html
A much happier chap these days, despite suffering from a similar work permit debacle, is the bassist Flinto Chandia. He is now a much sought after sculptor in Zambia.
http://www.artshost.org/insaka/artpgs/flinto.htm
I really like Flinto, mainly because he gives the kind of answer to the question “When were you happiest?” that I can only dream of. His reply?
“Being on stage performing on Top of the Pops in 1983 in London …. and being on top of Mount Kilimanjaro in 1989.”
Wouldn’t you just love to be able to give an answer like that ?
The last person found is Mr Bandana himself, Derek, who apparently has been working in a shop called World’s End for ages - this is a flagship store for Vivienne Westwood (coincidentally Malcolm Mclaren’s ex) in London. Want to see a nice picture of it ?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/30831346@N00/492972479
If you do go off searching for the remaining two Jimmy The Hooverers I couldn’t find (Simon and Mark), don’t be put off by the random stories you will quickly discover on the internet saying one member of this band is dead - this is but a red herring and actually refers to Maddog who just disappeared for a while. As he says on his website with his typical understated typeface and tone :
I AM MADDOG THE ONLY DRUMMER THAT COUNTS ….PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS DEAD BUT I’M NOT
Quite.
Money Update
Cost : 8 pence
Current Value : A mere 1 pound and twenty pennies. It’s disappointing to say the least after all that sexual excitement.
Current profit : 137 pounds and three pence. Oh, I almost forgot, the free single with this is a remix of their big hit ‘Tantalise’ which is very unusual in a rather good way. ie It is actually better than the original. Take a listen :
The fact that this remix is so bloody good shouldn’t perhaps be that surprising, as it is done by a chap called David Motion - a man who also produced the classic ‘Since Yesterday’ by Strawberry Switchblade : http://tinyurl.com/yuavd4
David is now one of Britain’s most successful composers for commercial advertising - and has even collaborated recently with the very famous Evelyn Glennie : http://tinyurl.com/2e4b3n
Now, where can I buy myself a lime green bandana?
Supporting Cast Update : Mclaren, Malcolm ; Westwood, Vivienne
EDIT: Please click on the comments to find out what is embarrassingly wrong with the above, and for an update on Derek, Karla and (the previously thought missing) Simon, pop off to ‘Corrections and Clarifications’ by clicking here.
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